When I was a teen
I thought I knew it all
But I was only eighteen
And had never thought about much really
When I was a teen
I thought I was independent
Because I had read and seen
Books and movies
And I thought I was the wisest of them all
When I was a teen
I thought alone and lonely were the same
But all I had felt was loneliness
I hadn’t known what it is “to be alone”
I didn’t know the difference
Sleepless nights
Moonless and dark
No streetlight
Could create the dawn
I wanted so desperately
Early mornings
Sunny and hot
Gulping coffee
Concentrating so hard in class
That I often forgot
There were people around me
People, classmates especially
Were bothersome, cumbersome, in my way
I had no time
For mindless conversations
For my brain to distract itself
From what really “mattered”
I was lonely
Despite having friends
It was not their fault
Heck it was not mine
I engaged in a lot of activities
Like Rotaract*
Just not to think about
When the sun would set
And I would be in solitude
With my dark and painful thoughts
Dissecting my actions and feelings
Of the day
Of the week
Of the month
Of the year
Of 10 years ago
I never thought
The sun would ever dawn
In my world
But it did
Slowly
The dark thoughts still
Tiptoe in my mind
But they are ethereal**
I have experienced a new slice of the world
I have had a taste of true freedom
Self-Awareness
And once you taste real freedom
Your taste buds can’t go back
To the old and unevolved
There is a thirst and hunger
For the uncertain and the unknown
You experience
The good and the bad
Of being alone
Just taking a bus somewhere
Is an achievement
Getting lost and finding your way
Is the most fun
You can have
Disappointment and excitement
Become a way of life
And you wish
Everyday had an element of risk
Which makes you want
To seek to understand***
Yourself and your purpose
Happy Independence Day to my Indian friends on WordPress!
I would like to thank my friends:
*Rafhanah
**Arun
***Cyril Junior
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Deepika Pydatalli 